I'm doing a weekly radio spot on Pat Brittenden Mornings - here are the notes and links for my three entertainment stories for this week.

  

Mayer Hawthorne

Soul sensation Mayer Hawthorne is in town with gigs in Wellington last night and Auckland’s Powerstation tonight promoting his new album How Do You Do. I saw him last year at Auckland Town Hall and it was an absolute riot! Some would say that Soul music never died, but whatever your stance it’s certainly making a comeback, and Hawthorne is leading the charge. The Detroit bred white boy was first known as DJ Haircut and started recording soul originals a couple of years ago because he thought that the samples of old school soul were being overused. He played some of the songs to Peanut Butter Wolf (the head of his label) who at first refused to believe they were anything other than unknown recordings from the 60s, and it all happened from there.

 I’m heading along to see him on tonight at the Powerstation and fully expect the infamously ‘too cool to dance’ Auckland crowd to dance the night away.

 

 

Reality Television – X Factor Australia winner Reese Mastin

Thanks to X Factor Australia being screened in New Zealand several months after it was recorded in Australia, New Zealand gets to see 16 year old winner Reese Mastin straight after the final. I received the pre-sale email for his Vector Arena concert 20 minutes after the show finished. It’s not every 16 year old who can book huge venues like Vector Arena in Auckland and TSB Arena in Wellington – but anyone who watched the show has to recognize that he’s seriously talented. He has the teenage girls seriously on side – he brought traffic in Ponsonby to a standstill when he made a radio station appearance.

Now X Factor Australia is over, my picks for best reality TV shows are American Idol for the music lovers, Sir David Attenborough’s Frozen Planet and my favourite The Secret Lives of Dancers. I’m going to the opening night of Royal New Zealand Ballet’s new show NYC next Wednesday so can report back!

 

JERSEY BOYS – The Story of Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

There’ll be much more on this later, but the four leads of Jersey Boys arrived in New Zealand this week to start rehearsing for the Auckland Season that gets underway on 10 April. This is the biggest musical to come to New Zealand in a very long time and has already been seen by a million Australians. These guys play the Four Seasons - one of the most successful bands of all time – so it’s crucial that they’re right for the roles! Frankie Valli signs off the voice of the guy that plays him!

The four guys announced for the NZ season have pretty impressive backgrounds:

·         DION BILIOS is Frankie Valli – Dion has been seen in many Australian musicals, as well as TV and film and has most recently been in the huge hit Mary Poppins 

·         DECLAN EGAN is Bob Gaudio – Declan continues as Bob after taking over the role in the Sydney season

·         ANTHONY HARKIN is Tommy De Vito – Anthony has just joined the cast, straight from Rock of Ages in Australia and he’s been in everything from Shane Warne the Musical to TV’s Hospital programme All Saints.

·         GLASTON TOFT is Nick Massi – Glaston has been with the show right from the beginning and has a brilliant bass!

I’m really excited about seeing the show. From the snippets I’ve seen, it’s going to be spectacular, both with the famous songs like “Sherry”, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”, “Rag Doll”, “Oh What a Night” and “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” and the gritty storyline about the boys from the wrong side of the tracks making good.

 

I just had a long weekend in Wellington. By weekend, I mean it included Saturday and Sunday - it definitely wasn't a vacation, more of a geekcation.I was super lucky and got to go to Webstock and then talked Social Media related stuff to a few comedians down there and up here in Auckland. I had a blast though - it's always fascinating hearing from industry experience (in any industry) and talking to people about their projects. Webstock highlights included hearing from flash people from Google, Microsoft, Pixar, almost hearing from the guy from Twitter but accidentally going to Wilson Miners thought provoking and beautifully presented session and local overachiever Derek Handley. But my super favourite favourites were when usability guru (an actual guru, not a wannabe) Jared Spool bounced across the stage in time with a bouncing car on the Lings Cars website, the gorgeously creative Jessica Hische explaining why calling hand-created typefaces a font is hurtful and getting to hear the story of how my favourite website on all of the interwebs The Oatmeal came to be. Seriously, if you're in need of a laugh, this is the place. I recommend the grammar section, or What it's like to own an Apple product. 

This table is amusing, but insightful too and reminds me of something my poor friends and workmates often get to hear me ranting about - the polite lie.

I understand that people feel more comfortable not making decisions, putting things off and telling people "oh no, it's fine". I get that that often it's really awkward to say "actually, that's not okay" or "no, I don't want to". But imagine, just for a minute, how much would get done (and how much less complaining we'd all have to endure) if people actually said what they really thought.

It's not easy and I'm not great at it - but I'm practising. So far, people seem to be responding well. There's got to be somewhere between 'the polite lie' and 'brutal honesty' that works. What do you think?

I was lucky enough to attend a preview of captivating silent film The Artist last night at the lovely Capitol Cinema. There are so many things I love about this film, which surely must win the Oscar for Best Picture. 

• I loved the costumes - amazing attention to detail and they were absolutely breathtaking.
• I loved the use of sound - you'll understand when you see it.
• I loved the cast - Jean Dujardin is the perfect 1920s movie star. Bérénice Bejo (also Mrs The Director) sparkles and is absolutely gorgeous. I want her wardrobe. She doesn't have the 1927 silhouette (she has an amazing figure but her arms are too toned for the time in my opinion). John Goodman is great as the cliche movie mogul and James Cromwell was restrained but excellent as the every loyal Clifton. Special mention must go to Uggie, who beats out Tintin's Snowy for Dog of the Year. The news today is that he's retired from showbiz but his brother Dash is ready to step up. He has appeared on Graham Norton's couch and I can't wait to see that when it gets here.
• I loved the story, the visuals and the things people said - even silently.

Just got this in the inbox. Please buy a ticket, bid on an auction or just make a donation to support this. Chur to the journos and others who are making it happen.

 

- JC

 

It’s not an easy road being a freelance journalist. When you’re reporting an event overseas, the fee for your work sometimes doesn't even meet the cost of getting to the story. Prize - winning journalist Jon Stephenson is returning to Afghanistan before Christmas 2011 to cover a number of stories, and a bunch of his friends want to give him a bit of support.

To this end that a group of fellow journalists and broadcasters have banded together to create a unique fundraising event: Gone By Xmas, to be held on Tuesday 13th of December and MC-ed by Hard News blogger and media personality Russell Brown. Alongside good music, a silent auction and the ubiquitous meat pack raffle, the event will also host the world’s first “Journalism Idol”. In this brutal and hard-hitting competition TV3 News journalist Mike McRoberts will fight it out with broadcaster Mikey Havoc, comedian Rose Matafeo and fellow TV3 reporter Tova O’Brien to see who can deliver the news under pressure and claim the title of “King Journo”. Of course no talent show is complete without a panel of uncompromising judges, so the trio will be assessed by veteran current affairs journalist and Media7 producer Phil Wallington, Kiwi Fm’s Wammo (Glen Williams), and New Zealand Herald columnist Tracey Barnett.

The silent auction will offer a very special range of items including framed photos taken by Jon in Afghanistan, a special edition of the Phoenix Foundation’s Buffalo with a one-off cover by cartoonist Tom Scott, tickets to Lawrence Arabia’s Town Hall gig, a tour of the TV3 newsroom escorted by Mike McRoberts -followed by a meal with Mike-, and a set of poster art from 95bfm.

If you can’t make it along on the night but would like to bid on any of the items, potential bidders will be able to check out the items on the event website and put in a bid by email.

Capacity is strictly limited at the event so to avoid disappointment early purchasing of tickets is encouraged.

About Jon:

Jon is an Auckland-based journalist who's spent much of the past decade reporting on America's “war on terror” - particularly the 2001 US-led war in Afghanistan and 2003 invasion of Iraq, and the ongoing violence in those countries. He's also reported on the 2006 Israel-Hezbollah war in Lebanon, and from Gaza, East Timor, and Zimbabwe, as well as on natural disasters such as the 2004 tsunami in Asia-Pacific region, the 2005 earthquake in Pakistan, and the 2008 earthquake in China's Sichuan Province. His articles and commentary have appeared in publications like the Sunday Star-Times and Metro magazine, and on broadcast media including 3 News, 60 Minutes, TVNZ's Media 7, and Radio New Zealand.

Event details:

Gone by Xmas: A fundraiser for journalist Jon Stephenson
6.30pm - 9pm, Tuesday December 13
The Horse and Trap Bar, 3 Enfield Street, Mt. Eden, Auckland
Tickets: $20 on the door or from:
http://www.eventfinder.co.nz/2011/gone-by-xmas/auckland/mt-eden
More information: http://gonebyxmas.tumblr.com
Donations can be made to:
ASB Bank 12 3066 0361128 00

 

Let's talk cheese. I came across these little darlings at College Hill New World tonight. Reasons I'm a fan:

I think we invented it, but for all I know Cake Sunday has been around for generations and I just missed the memo. Either way, it's awesome and you all should get on board. As far as I can tell, there are three requirements for Cake Sunday and these are:

A random mid-afternoon conversation a few weeks ago has turned into a creative endeavour punctuated by lots of laughing - check out our project on Tumblr.

  Here are the first two super-serious and excessively pink infographics.

  Coming soon, a revolutionary new diet: THE SEGMENT THEORY.

   

The black uniform is the highest honour in any New Zealand code – the dress for the Silver Ferns, the singlet for the Tall Blacks, the bike pants for the cyclists and the constantly discussed black jersey for the All Blacks.

Wearing black for your country, with the silver fern on your chest, means that you represent all four-million odd (some more odd than others) kiwis. As mere spectators, we may not understand the ins and outs of every sport. We will certainly criticise form, haircuts and interview techniques, but slap a black uniform and a silver fern on an athlete and by golly we’re behind you all the way. Especially when you win.

The most famous of our uniforms is the All Blacks black jersey. Young rugby players dream of earning one. Old men boast of ‘nearly’ wearing one. The honour and passion instilled in it continues to be huge, even when some fans do their best to devalue it by wearing it with sneens (sneakers and jeans - this is WRONG).

Donning the black jersey turns a rugby player into a women's magazine regular, a role model for children, a front person for unlikely sponsor products and the bearer of the nation’s hopes. 

There are ups and downs of such responsibility and fame, but one thing that players surely must feel is a sense of gratitude and relief that our national colour is black - a colour that flatters every complexion, barely shows grass stains, and best of all, is fabulously slimming.

It has been said that the All Blacks have an unfair advantage, starting the game after a rousing haka, but the black jersey must also be a confidence booster. Picture the young Australian player, walking on to the paddock for his first test match, ears strapped back, painfully aware that yellow does absolutely nothing for their complexion. Think of the South African, with his face gently reflecting the green of his jersey, or an Argentinean, aware that his baby blue uniform will soon be blue and brown. These awkward moments are something that our team doesn’t have to go through.

Fortunate indeed are All Blacks in their home strip of jet black. Of course, like all good supporters, I’m confident that these manliest of men and could have turned even the white alternative strip to their advantage, creating an illusion of a forward pack with even broader shoulders.

I was brought up to be polite to those hosting me at their place, and it was good to read prior to the tournament that the Canadian team would respectfully choose to wear their red strip when facing the All Blacks during pool play. Just a few days ago the French elected to follow their lead, winning the 'toss for colours' before the final, but choosing not to make the All Blacks dress in white for the final. Merci Les Bleus!

The decision makers/stylists of history decided well when they made black the official colour of New Zealand. We stand out amongst the multiple reds, blues, whites, greens and yellows. Tomorrow, when our heroes take the field for the final tomorrow, they'll show that are far superior to every other team - sartorially and on the scoreboard.

ALLEZ LES NOIR!

There are only two games left of Rugby World Cup 2011 and it is mandatory for all New Zealanders to watch the game and pretend they understand it. There are commentators on the telly who are there to explain things, but unfortunately they seem to speak a language all of their own. To be fair, it must be difficult recognising which player has the ball when they’re all wearing the same uniform, while simultaneously trying to find a way to slip an anecdote of your own playing days in, but our commentators manage to do this AND create new ways to put words together at the same time!

In case you’re not sure what the heck they’re trying to say, here are some translations of common rugby terms and phrases. Note – the most important thing is not to take phrases like ‘coughed the ball’ too literally.

Ruck – When players use their boots to try to get the ball away from other players. If players get too enthusiastic about this, it can result on unsightly scabs.

Taken out – When a player’s ability to be part of the game is compromised by an injury inducing tackle or occasionally a gammy knee, or a players lack of co-ordination. Often, the player causing the injury is completely within the rules, or can get away without being cited because, as we all know, referees are blind/biased/out of their depth.

Sin-bin – This is where players have to go for 10 minutes when they are given a yellow card by the referee for a serious infringement of the rules. This leaves their team a player down, giving the opposition an opportunity to score. As far as I can tell, there is no actual bin that player have to go it. If there was a nasty, smelly skip that players had to spend 10 minutes in, I’m confident that the number of players behaving badly would significantly decrease.

Drop-kick – While this term is used to describe a friend’s ex in a derogatory way, in rugby the drop-kick is something different altogether – it’s a way to score points for your team! Let’s be honest, the drop-kick seems to be a poor substitute for the good old five-point try (with the possibility of a two-point conversion), in fact, it could be said that it just feels wrong! That said, in 2003 the drop-kick became more widely accepted by the ladies when the then remarkably attractive Jonny Wilkinson kicked England to victory over the Wallabies. There have been lots of attempts this RWC to be the king of the drop-kick, with the worst attempt to be Jonny Wilkinson 2003 by Jonny Wilkinson 2011.

Hospital pass – When player A passes the ball to player B and player B has no options except to try to land in a way that will break the least bones.

Nice hands – Something commentators say about a player who is good at throwing the ball, catching the ball, or running with the ball without dropping it.

The top two inches – To you, the beginning rugby fan, it probably seems like rugby is all about running with the ball and trying to get it over the line. You’d be wrong. As commentators are wont to say, especially after a team loses, rugby is all about ‘the top two inches’ – in other words, it’s a mental game, it’s all about ‘mental toughness’ – the ability to think about nothing but strategy, victory and how to overcome the enemy, ahem, opposition.  NB. When a player has an afro, it is permissible to change to the top five inches, depending on the size of the fro.

Attacking rugby – When a team is spending the game trying to get the ball over the line to get points. Unlike the rest of the time when they are presumably not trying to score at all.

Bomb – high kicks, no not the type that Can Can dancers do. I might be oversimplifying things, but who cares.

Ping – When the referee penalises a player. A word that’s more fun to say than whistle or penalty. Ping! Ping!

Coughed the ball – when a player involuntarily lets go of the ball, usually a knock on while running with the ball. To experience this, hold on to a cushion and run from one end of a corridor to the other. Get someone to grab you half way down. The motion of you letting go of the cushion, is the ‘cough’.

Engine room – the two locks, numbers 4 & 5. They’re huge, they’re strong, they might have cauliflower ears and they’re the ones who ‘drive’ the scrum forward. The only locks you need to care about our Anthony Boric, Brad Thorn, Samuel Whitelock and Ali Williams, who are a combined height of eight metres. Brad Thorn is the little one at 1.96m.

Goose step – a bit of a knee in the air move designed to confuse the opposition before you suddenly change speed or take off in another direction. At his best Joe Rokocoko used to do this brilliantly.

Got all the skills – similar to a triple threat in musical theatre (can sing, dance AND act), a player who has ‘got all the skills’ can kick, pass, run... and presumably remember the rules of the game. Probably helpful at this level of the game.

High shot – Tackling someone above the shoulders – usually a sign of thoroughly bad sportsmanship, unless it’s your own team and then it is the result of too much speed and unfortunate timing.

Niggle – Usually a minor injury that causes discomfort to a player, but not enough to take them off the field, such as Buck Shelford’s infamous injury to his... shall we say, manly, parts.

Hitting their straps – An overused phrase, originally from horse racing, used to describe a team who are beginning to play extremely well together. This is similar to ‘playing out of their skins’.

Playing like a young... - Used sparingly, this phrase is a compliment to a rising star and help the audience understand what the player has to offer.  It’s can also be used by commentators to remind fans that they have a vast store of knowledge about all the history of the sport or to cover a lack of knowledge about the career and playing style of some of the current players.

Back to basics – A phrase used when a player or team has tried something innovative which failed to succeed. This is when teams focus once more on running, kicking, passing and holding on to the ball.

  

Rugby bingo can be played while watching a game on TV and is a good way to while away the time during less than exciting games. Simply create a list of rugby clichés and distribute amongst your group. Each player marks off the phrases as they’re said by the commentators and player marks them all off first wins. You can tweak the rules to make your own version of the game – perhaps counting the times a particular commentator says a certain phrase. There should be statistics websites measuring these important things.

Not these.

 

We're now at the pointy end of RWC2011, which means that it's harder to fake knowledge of the game. This might help.

Rugby is something that should be passed down from generation to generation, along with family traditions, recipes and jokes. My earliest rugby memories involve me getting up in the middle of the night to watch games on my Grandfather’s TV that was more cabinet than screen. My early rugby knowledge was gleaned from his opinions and Keith Quinn’s commentary. My understanding was patchy – but I’ve heard Murray Deaker say the game is too hard to understand, so I’m in good company.

Rugby is not the simplest of games – for a start, the goal is to get the ball across a line that is in front of you, but have to throw the ball backwards. Perhaps starting at the beginning will help.

Colloquial history tells us that William Webb Ellis was the first football player who ‘picked up the ball and ran with it’ in 1823, thus inspiring the game of rugby. In honour of this small rebellion, the trophy attached to the Rugby World Cup is called the Webb Ellis Cup. I find it encouraging that even though Rugby (his school) was undoubtedly for the upper class, his double-barrelled surname wasn’t hyphenated. This reinforces that rugby isn’t just for the privileged, but for all.

New Zealand has its own rugby pioneer, Charles Munro who brought the game home from Christ’s College in England. A re-enactment took place in Nelson recently. I sincerely hope they made as much effort to dress up as the confederate soldiers do in Sweet Home Alabama.

But on to the modern game...

Teams: Each team has 15 players on the field and up to seven reserves on the bench. That’s a total of 22, which is also the name of one of the lines on the field. This seems to be a coincidence.

The point of the game: Two teams play each other – each trying to get points by getting the ball to the other team’s end of the field. It makes the game more exciting for spectators if the teams are reasonably evenly matched or if some of the players make spectacular plays or errors. It doesn’t hurt if they’re easy on the eye either.

Scoring: The best kind of scoring is the try – this is when a player touches the ball over the try-line at the far end of the field. The ultimate try is when a player from the team you support sprints down the field, mowing down the opposition and then skidding dramatically across the line. Some believe that this kind of try should get extra points, but the rules state that tries, no matter how dramatic, score five points. Following a try, the opportunity to score an additional two points is awarded, and the nominated kicker (usually, but not always the #10) attempts to get the ball over the goalposts. Penalty kicks are sometimes awarded, for three points. We don’t really like these.

Offside rule: This goes back to where we started – you have to pass the ball backwards. A player in front of the ball is not allowed to receive any advantage without being pinged. There are many reasons for this, but one of the main ones is surely that it looks cool when the attacking players all run forward in an attractive shape not unlike birds in formation.

Kicking: It is totally okay to kick the ball forward.

Line-out: In the round ball game we know as soccer or football they just throw the ball in when it goes out of bounds. In rugby, when Team A puts the ball into touch, someone from Team B gets to throw the ball in, but instead of chucking it straight to one of their own guys, they have to throw it in a straight line between their own team and the opposition. Rugby’s way is much more exciting, because it gives the forwards (the big guys with the small numbers on their backs) a chance to be the stars as they throw each other into the air in an attempt to get to the ball before the other team.

Scrum: Crouch, touch, pause, engage. Apparently the scrum is a safe way to restart the game. It looks a bit like a reverse tug of war, with players attempting to gain ground so that their Hooker (number 2) can get the ball to the back of the scrum so that it can be rescued by the number 8 or 9 and then be freed to be run up the field once more.

The Field: A rugby field is 100m long and 70m wide. It has been this way for ages and remains the same even though new camera angles may appear to make it square. There is a big H of a goalpost at each end. These goalposts shrink when your least successful kicker is on, and grow for the opposition.

Time: It is indeed a game of two 40 minute halves. With a break in the middle for team talks, toilet stops and the chance to get some more hot chips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re at quarter-finals time for Rugby World Cup 2011. This means that 12 of the teams (that’s 360 players) have packed their bags and gone back to whence they came, and eight teams have reached what is attractively referred to as the ‘sudden death’ stage of the tournament. This means that for every game from now on (other than the 3^rd and 4^th playoff match), if you lose, you’re gone.

These are the eight teams that are still in the running to become the World’s Next Top Rugby Team, a brief look at their tournament so far and my thoughts on their future in the competition.

Quarter-final 1: Ireland v Wales, Saturday 8 October, 6pm, Wellington

Ireland:

Ireland won us over with their enthusiasm, incomprehensible interviews (mainly coach Declan Kidney, due to accent related difficulties) and winning all three of their pool matches, including a 15-6 win over Australia, which filled us all with exceedingly great joy. This put them firmly at the top of Pool C and turned them into the favourite Northern Hemisphere team for many Kiwis. I’m still not sure what I think of a dude nicknamed BOD, even if it is his nickname, but this is great for Ireland, a nation that is still hurting after the whole Thierry Henri incident in the Football World Cup qualifier a couple of years ago. Yes, that was cross-code referencing, keep up. I like Ireland. They’re like family. That’ll be the Irish heritage. Anyone know where you can get ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’ t-shirts?

Wales:

Oh those Welsh. They nearly beat South Africa, but they didn’t. They’re still here though and they have a Kiwi coach in Warren Gatland, so we like them. Don’t think they’ll win this game though. But who knows, the tournament is only really getting started and we’re likely to have a few surprises.

Quarter –final 2: England v France, Saturday 8 October, 8:30pm, Auckland

England:

England are all a bit of a yawn really. We’ve talked more about the off-field antics of the Queen’s G-I-L than their games, and Jonny Wilkinson is getting talked about like he’s a geriatric at only 32. Coach Martin Johnson won as a player two tournaments ago, but that that was ages ago, so who knows. There doesn’t seem to be much affection from them. I may be half English, but that half of my heritage couldn’t care less about the oval ball, so I can’t bring myself to support them.

France:

We have strong feelings about the French ever since they ruined all of our lives at the quarter-finals of the last world cup. But the team is apparently in disarray and in spite of Takapuna’s best efforts to make them at home and Tonga’s best efforts to show them how the game is played, I don’t think Les Coqs will win this weekend. A bientot France.

Quarter-final 3: South Africa v Australia, Sunday 9 October 6pm, Wellington

South Africa:

South Africa are the reigning champions, and they are really annoying and rough so we don’t want them to win. They topped Pool D but they have some serious missing talent with Bakkies Botha and Francois Steyn both out. Plus I don’t want them to win.

Australia:

I like Australia, some of my best friends are Australians. Although it has taken several years of not working in sport to stop seeing Australian athletes as my personal enemy, I think they have a few things to teach us about commitment and winning (not the Charlie Sheen kind). But man, I really, really love it when we beat Australia so I want them to win this weekend so that we can thrash them in the semi-final. Is that too much to ask?

Quarter-final 4: New Zealand v Argentina, Sunday 9 October, 8:30pm, Auckland

New Zealand:

Ah, the All Blacks. They haven’t had a real challenge during this tournament yet and Argentina is unlikely to stretch them much. It has been great to see some of the rising stars like Izzy Dagg show us what they can do and even if we have lost Dan Carter and have some worrying niggles, I have faith that they can nail the game this weekend. I’m a little more nervous about the following one, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves... again. I’m on Team Slade – I hope young Colin gets a good run this weekend. I think he’ll come right on the kicking and would like to remind you all that when Dan Carter came on the scene he wasn’t as smooth-faced and calm as he is now and there were people who said 'He's no Mehrtens.' Go Colin!

Argentina:

Argentina did beat Romania and Georgia, but they’ve been a little disappointing this tournament. They haven’t been getting many test matches, but there’s hope that being part of the quad-nations will help their game. I wanted them to do well because South Americans are really fun and I love the musical Evita.

What comes next?

Semi-final 1: Winner QF1 v Winner QF2, Saturday 15 October, 9pm

Semi-final 2: Winner QF2 v Winner QF3, Sunday 16 October, 9pm

Bronze-final: Loser SF1 v Loser SF2, Friday 21 October, 8:30pm

Final: Winner SF1 v Winner SF2, Sunday 23 October, 9pm

GO THE ALL BLACKS!

John Afoa aka Animal terrorises the crowd at a public appearance

When engaging in rugby conversations or watching a game, it helps to know a few facts about players – their position, past players they’re not quite as good as, and more importantly nicknames. Commenting “Ted doesn’t look happy” may not be a groundbreaking observation, but it does show that you know who the All Black coach is.

Nicknames are something men like to give one another, to create an environment of intimacy, or as they may prefer ‘mateship’. It’s much simpler in Australia where you add ‘Y’ or ‘O’ to a name – e.g. Warney and Steveo. In New Zealand we have historically had a less predictable approach with famous nicknames including Inga the Winger (my childhood favourite player Va’aiga Tuigamala), Pinetree (the legendary Sir Colin Meads, named Player of the Century), and J-Lo (the obvious diminutive for the man mountain that is Jonah Lomu). Okay, I may have invented the last one, but I would like to see it picked up by the international media by the end of the tournament. Please humour me in this.

It’s well documented that the moniker your parents give you at birth can have a significant impact on your life. We have all giggled childishly at characters on American sitcoms called Randy or felt sorry for the school kid with the name that’s too big for them. I can only assume that some rugby players are given their nicknames before they grow out of ‘the awkward phase’ – Richard Kahui is too handsome to be known as Kaks, and the nicknames Horey (Andrew Hore) and Woody (Tony Woodcock) are both a little bit juvenile and obvious.

I was shocked to read that our brave hero, I mean All Blacks captain, Richie McCaw is not just Richie (think of other one-name legends like Madonna, Pele, Oprah and Lassie), but apparently also answers to Fluffy. Quelle horreur! One can only hope that John Afoa can bring some Animal back into the team.

The mind-bending moniker isn’t solely the property of the New Zealand rugby player. A glance through rugby history shows us that there have been some that evoke awe, and others that are more... cuddly.

There’s been Welsh First Five Neil Jenkins who was also known as the Ginger Monster. English Prop Jason Leonard OBE also went by The Fun Bus (and comes from Barking, tee hee). Poor old Irish Hooker Keith Wood was variously called The Raging Potato and Uncle Fester. I’m sure he has a wonderful personality. More recently, the unkind amongst us have enjoyed comparing fresh-faced Australian James O’Connor with Justin Beiber. Let’s be fair though, he’s not a child, he was born all the way back in 1990. Plus he looks much more like that guy from Westlife. 

With all due respect, I’d rather be a Goldie than a GG, but nothing can beat the title given to former French Centre Philippe Sella – L’Incomparable. But to bring it back to basics, we’ve got to front up, give no quarter and remember that there’s only one title that matters. Champion.

Bring back Buck!

There was a time when the All Blacks were known as inaccessible and humourless - those days are gone... they may not be tweeting their every thought (although the @allblacks account is benefiting from updates from team members), but they're showing up at heaps of public appearances and showing their more artistic sides. First we saw Brad Thorn on the piano and now the entertaining Cory Jane hams it up with Victor Vito for a youtube clip.

Pssst. Don't worry too much about them wasting time when they should be training... didn't that unfortunate goatee (IMO all goatees are unfortunate) disappear before the opening match?

Well played boys, well played.

You can't get away from rugby talk, even if it's just people trying to work out which Rugby World Cup camp you fit info - for or against, stoked or disinterested, or anxious or cocky. By now even some of the disinterested have been converted (see what I did there), partly because of peer pressure and partly because of an overwhelming dose of FOMO.